I was fortunate enough to salvage a copy from Pakistani Jumprope Explosion's website just before it was removed without a word.

 

I trust you will be as inspired as I.

 

------

 

DOUBLE DUTCH DETERMINATION

by Tanner "Milky" Harrington II

 

 

The history of sports has been filled with tales of the "impossible," the "unachievable" and the "certainly not something I'd want to try."  Every age, however, is blessed with its heroes--the men who ignore their peers and go on to achieve greatness in their chosen endeavor, no matter how socially questionable.

 

I was fortunate to be granted a brief chat with just such a man, human force-of-nature Denny Coulsey, the heart and soul behind the trio that is this year's surprise contender for the annual Double Dutch jumprope crown of Morningside Park, Harlem, NY.  Denny and his partners, Matty Tropeano and Ricky Delsignore, came, literally, from out of nowhere to dominate this year's competition.

 

Precious minutes before the finals, against three local schoolgirls from 123rd street, Denny granted me this interview.

 

MILKY:  Denny, thanks again for taking time out of this hectic day to speak with me.

 

DENNY:  No problem, "Milky."  It's my pleasure.  Besides, the other guys made a Mister Softee run, but they know what I like.

 

M:  Denny, sports fans worldwide are all asking one question this afternoon:  "How the hell did three thirtysomething guys from Connecticut end up in the Finals of a Double Dutch jumprope tournament in Harlem?"

 

D:  Great question, "Milky."  Really, ours is nothing more than a classic Cinderella story.  In the tradition of Muhammad Ali, Wayne Gretzsky or that Greek guy who first ran twenty-six miles and then died on the spot, we knew we had the right gifts and had to seize the moment... 

 

M:  That's great--but you didn't start out as Double Dutch-ers.

 

D:  No, "Milky," we didn't.  In fact, we met at a local fitness club in Stamford.  We had been taking these Thai boxing classes because we'd hoped to meet supermodels and actresses.  Well, there were a couple of exotic dancers in the class, but they ended up absolutely destorying us in sparring, then Ricky broke his hand, and Matty developed an allergy to the medicine ball...  Suffice to say, we all had to do some hard thinking at that point.

 

M:  And?

 

D:  Don't you see, "Milky?"  We realized that we'd been looking at the forest but totally missed a tree--while we sucked at, literally, everything else related to health or fitness, we really had a knack for jumping rope.  I mean, high stepping came naturally to us, and Ricky already has pigtails, which is a whole different story for a different day.  Point is, the plan pretty much made itself at that point, and the rest, as they say, is history.

 

M:  Still, you have to admit that Double Dutch is not the typical field of play for a bunch of working white men, particularly non-traditional athletes such as yourself who have historically excelled at such pursuits as Dungeons and Dragons, comic book collecting, and international backgammon tournaments.

 

D:  "Milky," I'd have frankly perferred to put race and lifestyle aside--sports should be colorblind and not just for the cool kids.  But if by "non-traditional athletes," you mean three virgins of above-average weight who all still live with their moms, then, yes, we're not the typical competitors.  Still, we like to think our performance today speaks for itself.

 

M:  It certainly does--in one of the earlier jump-offs, you brought young LaQisha Johnson to tears after simply dominating the round.

 

D:  "Milky," that is true.  LaQisha jumped her heart out in a tough situation, what with that enthusiastic little dog getting loose mid-round and yip-yip-ing throughout their jump.  Still, that little girl learned an important lesson this morning and the guys and I simply hope that when she goes off to second grade next year, she remembers that cursive and algebra aren't the only unexpected surprises on the road ahead.

 

M:  There was some scandal in the semi-finals.  Something about you guys stealing the other team's lunch money.  The judges eventually ruled in your favor, but maybe you could enlighten us.

 

D:  "Milky," I'd be glad to set the record straight on this one by laying out the facts.  "Stealing their lunch money" is harsh.  I mean, you've covered enough sports in your day to know that "stealing their lunch money" is usually just an expression.  But you also know how heated things can get in competition.  Anyway, one thing led to another, and next thing you know wagers were flying around, and, as the standings show, we won.  Fair and square.  It wasn't until after the round when we saw them selling their jumpropes to a Swedish couple who had wandered off the A train that we realized we had, indeed, taken their lunch money..."

 

M:  Denny, I can already hear your team-mates returning.  If I'm not mistaken, Matty Tropeano just told a little girl on the West 138th SwingSteppers, "we're going to have you bawling before your crisscrosses..."

 

D:  "Milky," we don't call him The Mouth for nothin.  I mean, if you're going to step it up a notch, as we certainly hope to do, and start hitting the USADDL events, you're going to have to keep your game face on 24-7.  Any student of the game will tell you that the Snazzy Steppers never let up for a moment, even after numerous Oprah appearances...

 

M:  That's certainly true, Denny.  Anyway, I'll let you go.  Thanks again for taking the time to speak with us.  All the best in the finals.

 

D:  My pleasure, "Milky."

 

 

Sports fans, I don't need to tell you what happened next.  Epic poems will be written about that match.  Suffice to say, the trophy is being brought to Stamford, Connecticut for the first time in its storied history. 

 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Harlem, there are three little girls whose fists of rage occasionally catch their tears of defeat as they admit that, this day, the better team truly was a driven band of pudgy men in cut-off jean shorts.  Be sure to check back next year, folks, because this drama isn't over--it's just beginning.